Some days, my mind just spins with questions, big ones, small ones, the kind that sneak up on you when you’re just trying to get through a Friday. Today, April 11, 2025, I found myself wrestling with what I want this blog to be. Should it be about my faith? My journey as I get older? Maybe both. I want to share something real, something that matters not just to me, but maybe to someone else out there too. I’m considering how to convey my faith and my experiences as I age, hoping to offer something meaningful.
Lately, I can’t help but notice how the years seem to be stacking up behind me faster than I’d like. I’m 53 now, and sometimes it feels like there’s less time ahead than there is behind. That realization brings a kind of stress I never expected. There’s still so much I want to do, but life keeps pulling me in every direction: work, home, family. I rarely get the chance just to immerse myself in things and see them through. I get frustrated, honestly. I’ll be in the middle of something, and suddenly I have to drop it, pick it up later, or sometimes not at all. Each day, it becomes increasingly obvious how quickly time is passing, and I feel the pressure of unfinished goals and dreams.
I look at my life: five kids, with my youngest just turning five, and my oldest being 21. We’re not at the retirement stage, not even close to being empty nesters. We started over with the two youngest. Some days, the weight of all these responsibilities feels overwhelming. And I know my wife carries even more. She’s had to put her dreams on hold so many times, taking care of her mom, her brother, her brother’s kids, and now our own. She’s nine years younger than I, but time is slipping away for her too. I wonder if she’ll ever get to do the things she’s always wanted. Will we ever get to do those things together? The trips to Europe, the dream of seeing Ireland, are they just dreams, or will we get there one day?
These are the thoughts that circle in my head. I find myself asking God what His plan is for us. Are we ever going to get that chance? Am I ever going to be able to provide enough as the only one working? We made the conscious decision years ago for her to stay home, but it hasn’t come without sacrifices. No second income, lots of challenges, and sometimes it feels like we’re just treading water. The financial strain and the responsibilities can be tough, and I often wonder about our future and whether we’ll be able to fulfill our hopes together.
But in the middle of all this, I try to hold on to God’s promise: “My grace is sufficient for you.” I need to look up that verse and let it sink in. That’s where I try to find my peace, even when the answers aren’t clear. I look for solace in the scriptures and try to understand what God’s purpose is for my life and our life as a family.
So, those are my random thoughts for today. I’m still searching for purpose, still trying to trust that there’s a bigger plan at work. Maybe that’s what this blog will be a place to share the journey, the questions, and the faith that keeps me going, one day at a time.