Tonight feels a little heavier than usual. Maybe it’s just one of those evenings where the heart gets loud and the mind won’t settle. I found myself reflecting on all the people I’ve met in the neighborhood, how everyone seems to be working on their houses, sprucing up their backyards, making things beautiful. And honestly? I’m feeling a bit of FOMO. That old fear of missing out is creeping in, and it’s frustrating.
I know, I know we’re not supposed to be envious. “Don’t covet thy neighbor’s stuff,” right? But it’s hard not to look around and wish I could do the same. My wife and I made the conscious decision years ago to be a one-income family, trusting that God would provide, and He always has. Even in the tough times, He’s made a way for us to get by, pay the bills, and meet our needs. That’s a prayer I whisper every night, and God’s grace has always been sufficient for us.
But sometimes, it’s just tough. There are so many projects I want to tackle in our new house. We’ve only been here a year, and the list keeps growing. But the money just isn’t there. Finance rates are still really high, so refinancing isn’t an option. I’m not about to pay 7.5% interest just to take out some cash for home improvements. That wouldn’t be wise stewardship, and honestly, who knows what the future holds with the current state of the markets? So, we sit tight and try to scrape by, waiting for the Fed to drop the rate and for things to look like a better deal.
Credit card debt has crept up on us, too. Over the last four years, with prices rising and inflation climbing, sometimes the only way to make ends meet was to put things on credit. With five kids, three in college and two little ones at home, sometimes you just do what you have to do. It’s not ideal, and I know it’s not how life is supposed to be, but here we are. I feel like we’ve done ourselves a disservice by getting into credit card debt, but in recent years, especially under the current administration, we haven’t had much of a choice.
Tonight, the jealousy stings a little more. Watching neighbors take out huge loans, sometimes over a hundred thousand dollars for pools, backyards, and landscaping, while I can’t even imagine spending $25,000 without breaking us, it hurts. I know I need to let go of that jealousy, to pray it out and ask for God’s guidance and provision. I keep reminding myself: this isn’t my forever home. I shouldn’t store up treasures here, because my eternity is somewhere far better. Heaven is my real home, and that’s where my heart should rest. I need to always learn to rest in the knowledge that this isn’t our home and there’s an amazing place waiting for us beyond this life.
Still, it’s hard not to get caught up in the here and now. We live in this temporal world, and it’s easy to compare. But everyone’s in a different place, some higher, some lower. We’re all striving to get that brass ring, chasing after the things we want and instant gratification. But God’s plan is different, and better, even if I can’t always see it. We just need to lean on Him and not our own understanding, because life always throws loops and surprises.
Today wasn’t all frustration, though. I spent some time on LinkedIn, reaching out and looking for new opportunities, hoping for that next adventure beyond my current company. It’s a bit discouraging when it feels like no one’s connecting back, but then out of the blue, someone from a company I’ve been interested in actually reached out and connected with me today. It was a small thing, but it felt like a little nudge from above, a reminder that people are noticing, that things are moving, even if it’s slow. I have to remember to celebrate the little wins, knowing that progress doesn’t happen overnight and never happens in a vacuum.
So, I’m trying to celebrate the little wins and be happy for my neighbors. I’ll keep praying for them, and us, and trust that God’s got us right where we need to be. If we never get to do all the things we dream of for our home, that’s okay. His mercy and grace are enough, and we will continue to rest on His promises for our lives.
If you’re reading this and feeling a little left behind, I hope you’ll lift your voice up, too. Lean not on your own understanding, but trust in the Lord and in His Word. That’s what I’m holding onto tonight.
Have a good evening. Amen.